Passive-Aggressive Parking

# THE SHARED WALL

## Episode 2: “PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PARKING”

### INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - EVENING

A foil-covered lasagna sits on a chair beneath a handwritten sign: **NISHA’S LASAGNA. DO NOT TOUCH. EMERGENCY DINNER.**

NISHA RAO adjusts the sign with surgical precision.

It has been resting for forty-seven minutes. That is the difference between “delicious” and “structurally compromised.”

She turns toward her apartment.

A beat.

She turns back.

The lasagna is gone.

No.

The hallway erupts with doors opening.

TESSA VALE appears in silk pajamas. MARCUS BELL holds a half-eaten granola bar. OWEN PIKE wears a bike helmet indoors.

What happened?

Someone has stolen dinner.

Was it dinner, or were you emotionally attached to dinner?

It was a lasagna, Marcus. It had layers.

Owen points dramatically at the floor.

There’s a noodle.

Everyone looks.

### CONFESSIONAL - INT. TESSA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Tessa sits perfectly composed beside a ring light.

I did not steal the lasagna. I merely moved it three inches to the left yesterday because it was blocking my package. If Nisha interpreted that as hostility, that’s between her and the lasagna.

### INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Marcus kneels beside the noodle like a detective.

We have a suspect who knew the hallway. A suspect who understood timing. A suspect with access to cheese.

He slowly looks at Owen.

I’m lactose intolerant.

That’s exactly what someone with lactose immunity would say.

Nisha checks her phone.

I’ve made a group chat.

Their phones DING.

On-screen: **WHO ATE THE LASAGNA?**

You named it immediately?

I believe in efficient justice.

Another DING.

A message from **UNKNOWN NUMBER:** *Check the parking spaces.*

### EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING PARKING LOT - NIGHT

The four neighbors stand before three cars, each parked aggressively crooked.

Tessa’s car blocks Marcus’s. Marcus’s blocks Nisha’s. Nisha’s blocks Owen’s tiny scooter.

This is not about lasagna.

It became about lasagna when someone left a note on my windshield that said, “Learn geometry.”

You parked diagonally across two spaces.

That was geometry.

Owen notices a foil corner sticking from the trunk of Marcus’s car.

Marcus.

Marcus opens the trunk.

Inside: the missing lasagna, untouched—except for one enormous slice missing.

Everyone stares.

I can explain.

You ate it.

I was going to return it.

After digestion?

Marcus lowers his eyes.

I was angry. You all keep parking me in. I needed a victory.

Nisha snatches the dish.

You stole my emergency dinner because of parking?

It was a symbolic lasagna.

### INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

The group stands in a tense semicircle.

Nisha opens her apartment door.

Fine. Everyone inside. We are solving this like adults.

Tessa, Marcus, and Owen enter.

### CONFESSIONAL - INT. OWEN’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

I thought the investigation would involve disguises. It did involve disguises, technically.

He reveals a mustache stuck to his cheek.

I wore this to move Marcus’s car.

### INT. NISHA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

The lasagna is reheated. Everyone sits around the table.

New rule: no blocking anyone in.

And no food left unattended in public areas.

And no passive-aggressive notes.

What about aggressively aggressive notes?

They all glare at him.

Just checking.

A small smile breaks through the tension.

Marcus raises his fork.

To shared walls.

And shared consequences.

They clink forks.

From the hallway, a CAR ALARM suddenly blares.

Everyone freezes.

Who parked in front of the fire hydrant?

Slowly, all eyes turn to Owen.

The scooter was cold.

They charge into the hallway together.

### END.